The December Question

MY NAME IS JOAN
Words and Music by Becky Alter
Copyright 1999

I'm just a bug crawling over the empty pages of your journal
Last night I crept in behind your lids, while you were sleeping
And cast beneath a lonely shadow
Lie my body gently weeping

Chorus
I can hear the dissonance of the chords of the past chiming in
An ancient martyr's sacred war with mortal sin

I am dressed in my armor
Shaven scalp my only honor
Here I am GI Jane gone insane
What do I think that I am stronger

Chorus 2
I can hear the dissonance of the chords of the past chiming in
How many times will I burn for this sin?

Final Chorus
I can hear the dissonance of the chords of the past chiming in
How many times will I burn for this sin?
How many times will I burn for this sin?
How many times will I burn?

THE CLICKING OF THE CLOCKS
Words by Becky Alter, Music by Becky Alter and Cameron Hays
Copyright 2003

The clicking of the clocks
Are ringing in my head
And I can say I knew you when
The clicking of the clocks they did begin

Time heals all wounds
In our tombs
Time heals all wounds
In our tombs
Time heals all wounds
In our tombs

The clicking of the clocks
Are still ringing in my head
And though the signs were clear the moment you appeared
Oh my blind eyes could no longer hear
Time heals all wounds...

The clicking of the clocks
Are still raging in my head
You left me here in places that remind
With the clicking of the clocks you've left behind

PROMISES
Words by Cameron Hays, Music by Becky Alter and Cameron Hays
Copyright 2003

It was early in october, trees were throwing off their leaves
I let you try to chase me and bloody up your knees
The lesson of love i’ve yet to learn is no matter what you give
The fastest way to a lover’s heart is straight through the ribs

Understanding and affection are universal needs
But dedication becomes a beast if you should overfeed
Unrequited lovers might become quite bellicose
Or boil someone’s rabbit like a jealous glenn close

chorus
I’m sorry for the promises that i told you in your sleep
I’m sorry for the promises, the ones that i couldn’t keep
I’m sorry you hung upon every word that i’d speak
I’m sorry for the promises, the ones that i couldn’t keep

I never tried to search for love through dishonesty
Those childish sorts of tactics never made sense to me
To all the hearts that i’ve broken, to all the ones that i’ve owned
I’m grateful for every day that i haven’t been alone
If your river’s run its course, if you’re left upon the rack
Sometimes when they walk away they just ain’t coming back
To everyone who’s watched me go, never to return
Thanks for all the memories and the pictures you burned

Chorus
I’m sorry for the promises that i told you in your sleep
I’m sorry for the promises, the ones that i couldn’t keep
I’m sorry you hung upon every word that i’d speak
I’m sorry for the promises, the ones that i couldn’t keep.

Pardon me my rampant cynicism
It comes from a hard life in front of television
And I find it has inspired me
To arts, and crafts, and poetry
I was a wave on a sea of broken backs
Treading water desperately not to fall between the cracks
Of mediocrity which I'm familiar with
I never thought things would happen quite like this

Chorus
I'm finally awake
I'm not sleeping anymore
My eyes are open
You're what I'm living for

I have succumbed; I've broken like a reed
I've been asleep, my legs have atrophied
From lack of use in this strange kind of slumber
While gravity and fate have conspired to pull me under
I was a weed in a field of train-wrecked dreams
Clutching at the soil, and tearing at the seams
Of this box that I was hiding in
Now left behind, and ready to begin

I wasn't blind or even lost when I first met you
But when I saw you standing there that's when I knew

Chorus:
That I'd fall in love I'd fall so deep and hard
And find my soul swimmin' in your heart
To hell with those old cliches that tell us what we can't do and say
I need you, I breathe you and I need you to stay

Now when we make love, and I catch a glimpse
of your eyes searching me
The whole world stands still and time stops
To tell a fortune, of what's to be
Now I'm proud to say that I've gone a little blind
And lost for you
Cause when I looked up and saw you standing there
That's when I knew...

AWAKE IN THIS DREAM
Words and Music by Becky Alter
Copyright 2001
i wake in the morning
the sun still not shown
the eyes of a clown
the face of my clone slowly fade...

as i lie awake
memories they flash now
before mine own eyes
bombs bursting suburbs
children they cry and i weep…

as you gently sleep
slowly i awaken //again dawn is near
drawing me closer to you
loving me oh my dear…

please hold me near
could you please awaken
i’ve something to say//new ghosts have come
to take me away oh i fear…
please hold me dear.

TIME TO GO (DOZEN ROSES)
Words and Music by Becky Alter, Music by Cameron Hays
Copyright 2005

would you hold my hand
can you help me understand
what it is that you want from me
i can’t be some kind of superman

so come on, come on
it’s time to go
come on, come on
let’s leave this show
so come on, come on
it’s time to go//come on, come on
let’s leave this show

Chorus:
bring me a dozen roses
remind me that I’m still in love with you
bring me a dozen roses
baby it’s the last thing left to do
baby it’s all you had to do

seems like no matter how hard we try
this river of tears
won’t run dry
when even our own therapist says
maybe it’s time we finally said goodbye

Chorus:
so come on, come on
bring me a dozen rozes

now it’s time to lock away this pain..watch the memories wash down the drain
sew up the busted seams of my heart
and put an end to this hurtful game//so come on, come on

Chorus:
don’t bring me a dozen roses
don’t remind me that i’m still in love with you
don’t bring me a dozen roses
baby it was all you had to do
now there’s nothing left for you.

HOUSE THAT HUBRIS BUILT
Music by Becky Alter, Words by Cameron Hays
Copyright 2005

ordinary addictions
the little things that make
an attitude on life
that’s superficial and fake

picket fence, suburbia
something just ain’t right
the audience a laugh track
their smiles are way too bright

but what’s beneath the surface
what’s beyond the door
a layer of complacency
like carpet on the floor

hate the weather
reception disrupted when it rains
a generation
lobotomized, placated, entertained

Chorus:
let a cigarette
be her opiate
let them drive hum-v’s
worship celebrities

let a silhouette
be his juliet
it’s got nothing
nothing to do with me

credit cards will lead the way
and everyone will follow
let’s all attempt to buy enough
to fill where we are hollow

you gotta buy the newest things
bigger, better, faster
do you control the toys
or are they the ones that master

replace all the cd’s
which replaced the 45’s
better appliances make
for even better lives.

guilty pleasures lead the way
to pleasure without guilt
and so you choose to live in
the house that hubris built.

when they first met
they thought it'd last
they thought it stood
some kind of chance

she'd look into
his crimson eyes
never to see
just what they'd hide
…from her

when he'd come
he'd hold her tight
profess his love
by candlelight

she'd listen to
the words he'd say
she was wrapped within
the games he played with her heart
…with her heart

one day she woke
and realized
she'd become a slave
a slave of lies

she began to test
to test her powers
everything would burn
she'd burn the flowers
…with her eyes

soon her mind
became as sharp as steel
with her newborn powers
she could kill or heal

she devised a plan
to plant a seed
into his brain
and make him plead
….for sanity

men in white coats
showed up one day
please take that liar
lock him away

then i heard a sound
it woke me up
and i looked around
and i wondered...

Why can't I fill these pages, why can't I bare my soul
Why must I be a square peg filling in a round hole
Why can't I handle money, why can't I match my clothes
Why do I say the wrong things, playing all the wrong roles

But I've got a left-handed lover
This you can believe
I've got a left-handed lover
Who watches out for me

When I'm sick in the head, when I can't get out of bed
She comes to me and says, says she'll bring the world to me instead
When I play a wrong note, writing bad poetry
I know my lover is watching over me

LITTLE CELLS
Words by Becky Alter, Music by Becky Alter and Cameron Hays
Copyright 2003

You hold me with your eyes
Oh, God please help me hold back
Don't let me tell any lies
Please help me wear well this disguise
Oh I know that you can see me
Shakin' in my skin for your scenery
Why did you have to wear it so well
Why canít you just let me be...

Ah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've never been in this kind of place before
Though we're clean I still feel like a whore
Though we're only friends, but our jailors pry
I think it just makes us both want it more and more
Now look at where we've found ourselves
Our lovers locked us in our little cells
If we escape for just a moment
We will surely go straight to hell...

Ah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

have you ever looked
your whole life for a diamond
you happen into a store
that's where you find one

i looked across the room
it's gleaming on another's hand
there's something right there
but i'm still trying to understand

how could i have found you now
was i supposed to find you now

do you ever think of me
when you're alone
do you ever notice
that my glances last too long

Chorus:
so why
do i feel this way
my mind and body quiver
with the things you say

i will take you with me
through my dreams and escapades
we will be together
no more lies or masquerades

i know you
your thoughts and fears
we both run from love
and hide our tears

no more black and white
it's now a shade of grey
my heart is longing
just to hear you say…

I am walking through fading pictures
The memories begin to slowly subside
Then I see you through stained-glass eyes, I
Realize that I am still Paralyzed
That's when I start to sink
Sink to blue...

I am tired of nursing old wounds
And I start to wonder, wonder why
Why I keep you in a box inside of me
Holding on to one love tragedy
That's when I start to sink
Sink to blue...

I know, I know, I know...

Chorus
That I need to leave you behind
I'll hit the highway, drive you out of my mind
With every mile I'll leave memories of you
I'll burn this trail of tears and when I am through
I won't sink to blue...

Now you're standing on my front porch step
Watercolors fill your lonely eyes
So I open up my heart's front door again, sin
We fall to making love the distance rushes in
That's when I start to sink
Sink to blue...
We strike poses take new pictures
The lens sees the story you try to hide
Sooner than later, I knew you'd be gone
And you would leave me here again to carry on
That's when I start to sink
Sink to blue...

Chorus
I finally left you behind
I hit the highway drove you out of my mind
With every mile I left memories of you
And I burned this trail of tears, now I am through

I won't sink to blue...

Her eyes carry memories
Of not so long ago
Times artistic lines of pain and laughter
Slowly show themselves
On my mother's face

And I remember walks and talks
Of future plans to come
I'd plant my seeds of life
And move next door when all was said and done
I read, on my mother's face

And when I was a little girl
I knew it very young
That I'd break that precious heart in two
The way I carried on, I saw it then
On my mother's face

Now the battle lines are drawn
and no one's giving in
Lightning bolts of words and tears
Flash pictures of a coming end, I see
On my mother's face

Oh, God grant me the wisdom
and the strength to make things right
For her love I hold so dear
Forever I would fight to see a smile, again
On my mother's face...

Oh, to see a smile, again
On my mother's face

They say when you fall in love it's a mirror of someone like you
Lookin' back on my life I think this might be true
Cause he was a liar with all that dumb bullshit he'd say
Now come to think of it he might have just been gay

It's a few years later and I can't stop staring at her
Innocently propositioning, have you ever considered
A little more than friendship, she leaned over and gently kissed me
Like a snap of a photograph as a tourist she had to leave...

Well, as soon as one would end to the bars I'd go again
Lookin' for a mister or maybe just a little sin
Cause Mama I was caught up in the web of "normalcy"
But like a snap of a photograph as a tourist I had to leave...